Failed Author Questionaire

When posing as a novelist, one must be ready to answer questions, many of which are likely to be awkward, especially considering that one is by definition, not an actual author, and may also be intoxicated during the query. Again, you don't have to prove that you can write; you only need to sound like you know what you're talking about, sort of. These FAQs should provide a platform of sorts to work from.

 

WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT?

Well, I suppose, like all great novels, it's basically about the human condition, that and how my parents ruined my life.

 

DO YOU HAVE AN AGENT?

There are several that have shown interest, and I'm expecting a bidding war when I submit to publishers, so right now I'm being very selective about who I will have represent my work.

 

WHEN IS YOUR NOVEL COMING OUT?
That’s a great question. My publisher is being very careful about avoiding overlapping with, you know, the wrong holiday, other releases, children’s books. Also, apparently I’ll need 3 names to be taken seriously so we’re working on that. Maybe next year sometime.

 

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR?

Well, at the moment, let me think, there are so many who have influenced me. I'd have to say, having been influenced by so many great writers, that right now, I am my favorite author to be.

 

WHAT MOTIVATES YOU?

You. You motivate me, and all the readers who will buy my work.

 

WHEN DID YOU FIRST REALIZE THAT IT WAS YOUR DESTINY TO WRITE?

I suppose when I was about 4-5. I always loved telling stories and making up imaginary worlds for myself. I knew that I could touch others, in an appropriate way of course.